Emotions are complex and profound. They shape our experiences, decisions, and interactions. Yet navigating them can be difficult. Sometimes so much so that we can experience something that psychologists term as “emotional dysregulation” where we feel so overwhelmed by a surge of emotions that our nervous system becomes activated and dysregulated.
And while emotions don’t necessarily need to be “controlled”, they do need to be managed in a way that means they don’t take over your life or jeopardize your wellbeing.
Emotional dysregulation means having difficulty effectively managing, processing, and expressing your feelings. This could mean crying inconsolably over a minor inconvenience or feeling deep anger over a trivial comment. You might have heard it referred to as ‘anger management’, but there’s far more to emotional dysregulation than just anger. And it's more common than you'd think—many of us sometimes struggle with this balance.
Being occasionally overwhelmed by our emotions is part of the human experience. But if it happens often, recognizing and understanding the signs of emotional dysregulation can help you find balance and handle your feelings more effectively.
Understanding the roots of emotional dysregulation can be pivotal in managing it. Recognizing these causes isn't about laying blame but about understanding, and with understanding comes the power to manage your feelings and reactions more easily.
Sometimes, emotional patterns stem from our past, especially our younger years. A turbulent childhood, experiences of neglect, or traumatic events can leave lasting imprints on how we handle our feelings as adults. Our childhood years build the foundations of our emotional management, so instability during that time can influence how we cope as adults.
Difficulty with emotions might signal underlying mental health challenges. Conditions like PTSD, bipolar disorder, depression, or anxiety disorders can heighten our emotional responses.
Imbalances in brain structures or neurotransmitters can affect the overall balance of our emotions. The different sections of the brain usually work in harmony, but if an area is out of step, it can cause problems. Genetics, brain injuries, or other factors could affect the brain's rhythm.
Pressures from work, relationships, and personal challenges can make your mental load feel heavier. Without getting a proper break when you need it, you might find it harder to manage your feelings.
Alcohol and drugs can severely disrupt the fine-tuning of our emotions. They can jumble our responses to exaggerate some feelings while numbing others.
We learn to manage emotions throughout our lives, with most of the groundwork being done during childhood. However, some people were never taught how to manage their emotions as children. This can mean that when intense feelings surface in adulthood, they might feel unprepared or overwhelmed, reacting in an extreme—or numbed—way.
You're not alone in feeling this way–some people naturally have heightened emotional responses. Past traumas, ingrained habits from childhood, or even genetic predispositions can be the cause. Or it might be the brain's way of alerting you to something that, beneath the surface, holds more significance than it appears. Using mindfulness or therapy to get to the root cause can provide clarity.
Everyone has their unique emotional rhythm. However, frequent mood swings or outbursts can sometimes signal underlying issues. Factors like stress, hormonal imbalances, mental health conditions, or certain medications can play a role. Monitor the triggers and patterns of these swings. It might be worth seeking professional support if they're impacting your daily life.
As adults, we are expected to manage our emotions in ways that are socially acceptable and help us navigate our lives. When our emotions get the better of us, they can cause problems.
Many factors can impede emotional regulation. These include our beliefs about negative emotions or a lack of emotional regulation skills. Sometimes, stressful situations can evoke especially powerful emotions.
One of the ways that emotional volatility can hurt us includes the impact it can have on our relationships with others. For example, when we cannot properly moderate our anger, we are likely to say things that hurt those around us and cause them to pull away. We may regret the things we’ve said or have to spend time repairing relationships.
In addition to having a negative impact on our relationships, an inability to control our emotions can also hurt ourselves. Feeling overwhelming sadness can lower well-being and cause unnecessary suffering. Living with unmitigated fear can get in the way of our ability to take risks and have new life experiences.
Negative emotions are part of our daily lives, and pretending that they don’t exist won’t make them go away. Rather than trying to avoid them, we should try to develop emotional intelligence and regulation skills. Building the ability to self-regulate is crucial to leadership, communication, and relationships.
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