Should You Open Yourself Up and Share With More People?

Are you ready to break free and thrive, regardless of external situations?

Then stop being stingy with yourself and others.

You heard me.

You may think you’re the most generous person in the world, but if you’re feeling alone, deprived and unfulfilled, that means you’re not sharing enough.

I don’t mean that you’re not sharing resources and caring. What I’m saying is that you’re not sharing your dreams/intentions/goals enough.

The only way we create our lives is through conversation. In case you haven’t noticed, you’re always having a conversation with yourself. Sometimes it’s a helpful conversation and sometimes it’s self-defeating, but it’s always going on in the background.

When was the last time you took a moment to declare your goals to yourself in a powerful and intentional way? How often does your background conversation support those intentions, dreams and aspirations? If you’re human, it’s probably not as often as you’d like, and definitely not as often as needed to be effective in reaching your goals.

That’s why it’s also important to share your goals with others. Not just anyone, but someone, or a group of people, who have earned your trust.

Secrets can be useful in many ways.

When it comes to national security, for example, certain secrets keep people from hacking into various systems and shutting down the power grid or something equally bad.

Secrets also can make room for surprises. You can’t throw a good surprise party for someone if you don’t make secret plans and keep that someone out of the loop.

But secret-keeping can become habitual. Things that don’t need to be secret become closely guarded, and you share less and less. Before you know it, you’re a mystery to most who encounter you.

This, unfortunately, can lead to a bigger issue. The more secrets you keep, the more closed you become. When you become more closed, you start to be a mystery not just to those who encounter you – but also to yourself.

You have secrets nobody else needs. Hence, you shouldn’t share your bank account number, SSN, PINs, passwords, and so on.

When you approach this from a less literal notion of sharing – it’s time to talk about mental, emotional, and spiritual health.

It is still incredibly taboo to discuss mental health matters with others. There is a stigma attached to sensitivity, depression, anxiety, and other greater and lesser mental health issues. You might be loathe to share if you’re in therapy, taking an antidepressant or antianxiety medication. It’s often implied – if not stated outright – that to share with more people is to make yourself more vulnerable.

And that’s the rub. Nobody wants to be vulnerable. Why? Because being vulnerable makes you an easier target for derision, ridicule, shame, and more.

Or does it? What if opening yourself to share with more people – and the vulnerability that comes with that – is actually empowering?

When you’re closed off, you’re like a wall. Impassible, often in the way, creating division.

Ever run into a wall? Ever reach a wall and become increasingly frustrated by how it’s in your way? Likely, you have.

When you share with more people, you offer a door or a window rather than a frustrating wall. You become someone that can be connected with. And just because you open yourself up and share with more people doesn’t mean you can’t maintain some walls and privacy.

The trouble comes when you are so private that you’re disconnected. Disconnect can make you feel increasingly alone, lost, and separated.

Even the most introverted people need to make connections. It’s part of human nature. And connecting walls creates blockages between you and all else.

Choosing to be vulnerable by opening yourself up to share with more people can be scary. But is it worth it?

Through the practice of being honest with myself and with the world about where I’m at in life, I somehow feel closer to achieving my dreams than ever before. By sharing more, I have begun to uncover what my true dreams really are and I have reached a more profound understanding of what I would like my life to look like in the future. At the same time, I have begun to live more presently than ever before.

In order to achieve true fulfillment in life, it is our duty to take our dreams seriously. If we do not pay attention to the inner voice that guides us then we will not live out our purpose and therefore live a meaningless life. If we are to take the illusion of our tangible reality seriously then we must live out our existence in such a way that truly resonates with what is inside of us. Otherwise, what’s the point?

Sharing more about myself and my journey has allowed me to start removing layers of fear and self-doubt that have been accumulating inside of me for a long period of time. Throughout this process, I genuinely feel that I have have started to uncover who I really am deep down inside. What I have learned is that the more self-aware we can become, the more we will start to live in alignment with who we really are and the greater the impact we will have on the world. Something as simple as sharing more and being honest about where we’re really at in life can have a profound impact on the overall quality of our well-being and perhaps move us one step closer to finally understanding what its like to simply, be ourselves.

Manage Anger in the Long Term

Anger is a normal, healthy emotion. But it can become a problem if you find it difficult to keep your anger under control.

If we're really angry, it can be very difficult to calm down in the moment.

It may help to try to delay your reaction for as long as possible. Allowing some time between when you first feel angry and when you react may help you feel calmer or more in control.

Many people think that anger management is about learning to suppress your anger. But never getting angry is not a healthy goal. Anger will come out regardless of how hard you try to tamp it down. The true goal of anger management isn’t to suppress feelings of anger, but rather to understand the message behind the emotion and express it in a healthy way without losing control. When you do, you’ll not only feel better, you’ll also be more likely to get your needs met, be better able to manage conflict in your life, and strengthen your relationships.

Mastering the art of anger management takes work, but the more you practice, the easier it will get. And the payoff is huge. Learning to control your anger and express it appropriately will help you build better relationships, achieve your goals, and lead a healthier, more satisfying life.

Have you ever gotten into an argument over something silly? Big fights often happen over something small, like a dish left out or being ten minutes late. But there’s usually a bigger issue behind it. If you find your irritation and anger rapidly rising, ask yourself, “What am I really angry about?” Identifying the real source of frustration will help you communicate your anger better, take constructive action, and work towards a resolution.

Is your anger masking other feelings such as embarrassment, insecurity, hurt, shame, or vulnerability? If your knee-jerk response in many situations is anger, it’s likely that your temper is covering up your true feelings. This is especially likely if you grew up in a family where expressing feelings was strongly discouraged. As an adult, you may have a hard time acknowledging feelings other than anger.

Anger can also mask anxiety. When you perceive a threat, either real or imagined, your body activates the “fight or flight” response. In the case of the “fight” response, it can often manifest itself as anger or aggression. To change your response, you need to find out what’s causing you to feel anxious or scared.

Anger problems can stem from what you learned as a child. If you watched others in your family scream, hit each other, or throw things, you might think this is how anger is supposed to be expressed.

Anger can be a symptom of another underlying health problem, such as depression (especially in men), trauma, or chronic stress.

Clues that there’s more to your anger than meets the eye.

You have a hard time compromising. Is it hard for you to understand other people’s points of view, and even harder to concede a point? If you grew up in a family where anger was out of control, you may remember how the angry person got their way by being the loudest and most demanding. 

Compromising might bring up scary feelings of failure and vulnerability.

You view different opinions as a personal challenge. Do you believe that your way is always right and get angry when others disagree? If you have a strong need to be in control or a fragile ego, you may interpret other perspectives as a challenge to your authority, rather than simply a different way of looking at things.

You have trouble expressing emotions other than anger. Do you pride yourself on being tough and in control? Do you feel that emotions like fear, guilt, or shame don’t apply to you? Everyone has those emotions so you may be using anger as a cover for them. If you are uncomfortable with different emotions, disconnected, or stuck on an angry one-note response to situations, it’s important to get back in touch with your feelings.

Stressful events don’t excuse anger, but understanding how these events affect you can help you take control of your environment and avoid unnecessary aggravation. Look at your regular routine and try to identify activities, times of day, people, places, or situations that trigger irritable or angry feelings.

Maybe you get into a fight every time you go out for drinks with a certain group of friends. Or maybe the traffic on your daily commute drives you crazy. When you identify your triggers, think about ways to either avoid them or view the situations differently so they don’t make your blood boil.
Negative thought patterns that can trigger anger

You may think that external factors—the insensitive actions of other people, for example, or frustrating situations—are causing your anger. But anger problems have less to do with what happens to you than how you interpret and think about what happened.

Once you know how to recognize the warning signs that your temper is rising and anticipate your triggers, you can act quickly to deal with your anger before it spins out of control. There are many techniques that can help you cool down and keep your anger in check.

Focus on the physical sensations of anger. While it may seem counterintuitive, tuning into the way your body feels when you’re angry often lessens the emotional intensity of your anger.

Take some deep breaths. Deep, slow breathing helps counteract rising tension. The key is to breathe deeply from the abdomen, getting as much fresh air as possible into your lungs.

The first thing to know about learning to manage anger issues is: anger isn’t actually a ‘bad’ emotion. There’s nothing wrong with feeling rage or frustration, but what does matter is how you deal with your anger and how you express it.

If you learn anger management skills and learn how to recognise and manage your anger in a healthy way, you can respond differently the next time you feel anger arising.

We’re not guaranteeing you won’t still be in a bad mood, but you’ll be less likely to act in a way you might regret.

Active Listening Techniques For Better Communication

Listening is an important skill in all areas of life, whether you’re supporting a loved one through health problems, dealing with colleagues or in family relationships. But most of us aren’t as good at listening as we’d like to think.

When we show we’re really listening, it’s much more rewarding for the person talking to you, and you’ll get more out of it too. This is called active listening, and it can help avoid misunderstanding and reduce the potential for conflict.

Eye contact is an important part of face to face conversation. Too much eye contact can be intimidating, though, so adapt this to the situation you’re in.

Try breaking eye contact every five seconds or so, or to show you’re listening attentively, look at one eye for five seconds, then another eye for five seconds, then switch to looking at their mouth. When you look away, looking to the side or up is better than looking down, which can seem like you want to close the conversation.

Check your posture and make sure it’s open – avoid crossed arms or crossed legs, which can make you look ‘closed’ or defensive. Leaning slightly forward or sideways whilst sitting can show that you’re listening – as can a slight tilt of your head or resting your head on your hand.

Facial expressions, tone of voice and gestures can tell you just as much as what is being said in words.

Pay attention to what the other person is saying with their body language - are they smiling, for example, or are their arms crossed defensively, or are they rubbing their eyes as if they're tired or upset.

Even on the phone, you can learn a lot from the other person’s voice, which might sound subdued or upbeat.

Being interrupted is frustrating for the other person – it gives the impression that you think you’re more important, or that you do not have time for what they have to say.

If you are naturally a quicker thinker or speaker, force yourself to slow down so that the other person can express themselves.

Remember, a pause or a few seconds of silence doesn’t mean that you have to jump in.

Letting the other person speak will make it easier for you to understand their message, too.

Even interruptions that respond to something that they’ve said can be distracting if it means the conversation gets sidetracked from what they were trying to tell you about. If this does happen, steer the conversation back to “So, you were telling me about…”.

It’s not always easy, but lending a listening, supportive ear can be much more rewarding than telling someone what they should do.

When a loved one has health problems is a time when they probably want to tell you how they’re feeling, and get things off their chest, rather than have lots of advice about what they should be doing.

In other areas of life too, most people prefer to come to their own solutions.

If you really must share your brilliant solution, ask first if they want to hear it – say something like “Would you like to hear my suggestions?”

After the person has spoken, tell them what you heard. This active listening technique ensures that you've captured their thoughts, ideas, and/or emotions accurately. It also helps the other person feel validated and understood while keeping any potential miscommunications to a minimum.

One way to reflect what you've heard is to paraphrase. For example, you might say, "In other words, what you are saying is that you're frustrated" or "I'm hearing that you're frustrated about this situation." Summarize what you've heard and give the person the opportunity to say whether you've captured their meaning or intent.

If you'd like to better understand something the person has said, ask for clarification. But don't focus so much on insignificant details that you miss the big picture.

Active listening is an important social skill that has value in many different settings. Practice its many techniques often and it will become second nature. You'll start to ask open-ended questions and reflect what you've heard in your conversations without much (if any) thought.

Ultimately, active listening helps the speaker feel more understood and heard—and helps the listener have more information and understanding. On both ends of active listening—people feel more connected and collaborative which is why it is such a vital tool when it comes to communication.

If you find active listening techniques difficult, consider what might be getting in your way. Are you experiencing social anxiety during conversations or do you struggle with attention? Getting help for these types of issues can help you improve your active listening skills, making you a better listener overall.

Emotional Regulation Skills

Navigating overwhelming feelings can be challenging.

Emotions are complex and profound. They shape our experiences, decisions, and interactions. Yet navigating them can be difficult. Sometimes so much so that we can experience something that psychologists term as “emotional dysregulation” where we feel so overwhelmed by a surge of emotions that our nervous system becomes activated and dysregulated.

And while emotions don’t necessarily need to be “controlled”, they do need to be managed in a way that means they don’t take over your life or jeopardize your wellbeing.

Emotional dysregulation means having difficulty effectively managing, processing, and expressing your feelings. This could mean crying inconsolably over a minor inconvenience or feeling deep anger over a trivial comment. You might have heard it referred to as ‘anger management’, but there’s far more to emotional dysregulation than just anger. And it's more common than you'd think—many of us sometimes struggle with this balance.

Being occasionally overwhelmed by our emotions is part of the human experience. But if it happens often, recognizing and understanding the signs of emotional dysregulation can help you find balance and handle your feelings more effectively.

Understanding the roots of emotional dysregulation can be pivotal in managing it. Recognizing these causes isn't about laying blame but about understanding, and with understanding comes the power to manage your feelings and reactions more easily.

Sometimes, emotional patterns stem from our past, especially our younger years. A turbulent childhood, experiences of neglect, or traumatic events can leave lasting imprints on how we handle our feelings as adults. Our childhood years build the foundations of our emotional management, so instability during that time can influence how we cope as adults.

Difficulty with emotions might signal underlying mental health challenges. Conditions like PTSD, bipolar disorder, depression, or anxiety disorders can heighten our emotional responses.

Imbalances in brain structures or neurotransmitters can affect the overall balance of our emotions. The different sections of the brain usually work in harmony, but if an area is out of step, it can cause problems. Genetics, brain injuries, or other factors could affect the brain's rhythm.

Pressures from work, relationships, and personal challenges can make your mental load feel heavier. Without getting a proper break when you need it, you might find it harder to manage your feelings.

Alcohol and drugs can severely disrupt the fine-tuning of our emotions. They can jumble our responses to exaggerate some feelings while numbing others.

We learn to manage emotions throughout our lives, with most of the groundwork being done during childhood. However, some people were never taught how to manage their emotions as children. This can mean that when intense feelings surface in adulthood, they might feel unprepared or overwhelmed, reacting in an extreme—or numbed—way.

You're not alone in feeling this way–some people naturally have heightened emotional responses. Past traumas, ingrained habits from childhood, or even genetic predispositions can be the cause. Or it might be the brain's way of alerting you to something that, beneath the surface, holds more significance than it appears. Using mindfulness or therapy to get to the root cause can provide clarity.

Everyone has their unique emotional rhythm. However, frequent mood swings or outbursts can sometimes signal underlying issues. Factors like stress, hormonal imbalances, mental health conditions, or certain medications can play a role. Monitor the triggers and patterns of these swings. It might be worth seeking professional support if they're impacting your daily life.

As adults, we are expected to manage our emotions in ways that are socially acceptable and help us navigate our lives. When our emotions get the better of us, they can cause problems.

Many factors can impede emotional regulation. These include our beliefs about negative emotions or a lack of emotional regulation skills. Sometimes, stressful situations can evoke especially powerful emotions.

One of the ways that emotional volatility can hurt us includes the impact it can have on our relationships with others. For example, when we cannot properly moderate our anger, we are likely to say things that hurt those around us and cause them to pull away. We may regret the things we’ve said or have to spend time repairing relationships.

In addition to having a negative impact on our relationships, an inability to control our emotions can also hurt ourselves. Feeling overwhelming sadness can lower well-being and cause unnecessary suffering. Living with unmitigated fear can get in the way of our ability to take risks and have new life experiences.

Negative emotions are part of our daily lives, and pretending that they don’t exist won’t make them go away. Rather than trying to avoid them, we should try to develop emotional intelligence and regulation skills. Building the ability to self-regulate is crucial to leadership, communication, and relationships.

Overcome an Anxiety Cycle

Are you plagued by constant worries, fears, and anxious thoughts, especially about things you can’t control?

Worries, doubts, and anxieties are a normal part of life. It’s natural to worry about an unpaid bill, an upcoming job interview, or a first date. But “normal” worry becomes excessive when it’s persistent and uncontrollable. You worry every day about “what ifs” and worst-case scenarios, you can’t get anxious thoughts out of your head, and it interferes with your daily life.

Constant worrying, negative thinking, and always expecting the worst can take a toll on your emotional and physical health. It can sap your emotional strength, leave you feeling restless and jumpy, cause insomnia, headaches, stomach problems, and muscle tension, and make it difficult to concentrate at work or school.

You may take your negative feelings out on the people closest to you, self-medicate with alcohol or drugs, or try to distract yourself by zoning out in front of screens. Chronic worrying can also be a major symptom of Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), a common anxiety disorder that involves tension, nervousness, and a general feeling of unease that colors your whole life.

If you’re plagued by exaggerated worry and tension, there are steps you can take to turn off anxious thoughts. Chronic worrying is a mental habit that can be broken. You can train your brain to stay calm and look at life from a more balanced, less fearful perspective.

If you suffer from chronic anxiety and worry, chances are you look at the world in ways that make it seem more threatening than it really is. For example, you may overestimate the possibility that things will turn out badly, jump immediately to worst-case scenarios, or treat every anxious thought as if it were fact. You may also discredit your own ability to handle life’s problems, assuming you’ll fall apart at the first sign of trouble. These irrational, pessimistic attitudes are known as cognitive distortions.

Although cognitive distortions aren’t based on reality, they’re not easy to give up. Often, they’re part of a lifelong pattern of thinking that’s become so automatic you’re not even completely aware of it.

Research shows that while you’re worrying, you temporarily feel less anxious. Running over the problem in your head distracts you from your emotions and makes you feel like you’re getting something accomplished. But worrying and problem solving are two very different things.

Problem solving involves evaluating a situation, coming up with concrete steps for dealing with it, and then putting the plan into action. Worrying, on the other hand, rarely leads to solutions. No matter how much time you spend dwelling on worst-case scenarios, you’re no more prepared to deal with them should they actually happen.

Is your worry something you can control?

If a worry pops into your head, start by asking yourself whether the problem is something you can actually solve or control.

• Is the problem something you’re currently facing, rather than an imaginary what-if?
• If the problem is an imaginary what-if, how likely is it to happen? Is your concern realistic?
• Can you do something about the problem or prepare for it, or is it out of your control?

Productive, solvable worries are those you can take action on right away. For example, if you’re worried about your bills, you could call your creditors to see about flexible payment options.

Unproductive, uncontrollable worries are those for which there is no corresponding action. “What if I get cancer someday?” or “What if my kid gets into an accident?”

If the worry is in your control, start brainstorming

Make a list of all the possible solutions you can think of. Try not to get too hung up on finding the perfect solution to a worry. Focus on the things you have the power to change, rather than the circumstances or realities beyond your control.

After you’ve evaluated your options, make a plan of action. Once you have a plan and start doing something about the problem, you’ll feel much less anxious.

If the worry is NOT in your control, accept the uncertainty

If you’re a chronic worrier, the vast majority of your anxious thoughts probably fall in this camp. Worrying is often a way we try to predict what the future has in store—a way to prevent unpleasant surprises and control the outcome. The problem is, it doesn’t work.

Thinking about all the things that could go wrong doesn’t make life any more predictable. You may feel safer when you’re worrying, but it’s just an illusion. Focusing on worst-case scenarios will only keep you from enjoying the good things you have in the present. To stop worrying, you need to learn how to embrace the uncertainty that we all face in life.

Worrying is a natural, evolutionary response—it helped our ancestors anticipate dangers and plan for the future. However, with information overload and countless stimuli, this trait can become overactive in today's world. Fortunately, you can learn to manage worry more effectively with the right strategies.

Overthinking can feel impossible to stop, but you can begin to tame it with awareness. Start by recognizing when you're overthinking, take deep breaths, and ground yourself in the present. You can even set a timer for a few minutes to allow yourself to think about your worries and then redirect your focus afterward. Exercise, writing down your thoughts, or practicing guided meditations can also be great tools to calm your mind.

Tips to Help You Stop Ruminating

In today’s busy world, our minds can get stuck in a loop of overthinking and replaying negative thoughts. This is called rumination, and it can make us feel stressed and anxious. However, the good news is that there are techniques you can use to help you stop ruminating and regain control of your thoughts. 

Rumination is when our minds get stuck on certain thoughts, usually negative ones, and we can’t stop thinking about them. It’s like a never-ending loop in our heads. When we ruminate, we keep replaying past events or worrying about things that haven’t happened yet. This can make us feel really overwhelmed and anxious, and can also have a negative impact on our self-esteem.

Rumination isn’t helpful because it keeps us stuck in a cycle of negative thinking and repetitive thoughts. It can affect our mental health by increasing stress, making us feel sad or angry, and impacting on our ability to concentrate or make decisions. Understanding what rumination is can help us take steps to break free from it and improve our overall wellbeing.

Rumination can happen in various situations, and it’s something many people experience.

Imagine you made a mistake at work and instead of letting it go, you keep replaying the situation over and over in your mind. You constantly think about what you could have done differently and beat yourself up about it.

Let’s say you have an important presentation coming up. Instead of focusing on preparing for it, you might find yourself constantly worrying about how it might go wrong. You may imagine all the worst-case scenarios and can’t stop thinking about them.

Have you ever had a conversation with someone and afterwards, you can’t stop thinking about it? You might find yourself replaying every word, every gesture, and wondering if you said something wrong, accidentally offended the person or made yourself look stupid.

In relationships, rumination can happen when we repeatedly think about past arguments or conflicts. We keep going over the same arguments in our minds, even when they’re resolved. This can affect our ability to move forward.

Rumination can take different forms, but they all share the common feature of getting stuck in repetitive and negative thinking patterns.

The first step to stopping ruminating thoughts is learning how to recognize when you are doing it. Ruminating can become so familiar that you no longer recognize when it is happening. Before you know it, you may be 20 minutes into a rumination session, at which point it is a lot more difficult to pull yourself out.

When you are ruminating, you are either regretting the past or worrying about the future. Using grounding techniques for anxiety will pull you out of the past or future and bring you back to the present moment, which is the only thing you can control.

The 54321 method is a grounding technique that encourages the use of your five senses to explore the present moment in a neutral way. A body scan is another method that uses attentional awareness of each body part while incorporating mindful breathing. Strategies like these can help you feel safe and comfortable in the present moment rather than worrying about the past or future.

A process called cognitive restructuring can help you challenge your thoughts and stop rumination. Cognitive restructuring has different methods to help challenge thoughts, which often include identifying the negative thought, processing, and challenging the underlying belief system to gain insights.

For example, someone might recognize how their harm obsessions occur whenever their partner leaves the home. They might practice identifying that their underlying belief that their partner might be hurt comes from a place of wanting to protect their partner. They might then challenge that they are not in control of their partner’s well-being outside the home and accept that the likelihood of their partner being harmed while visiting a friend is unlikely.

Distracting yourself from what is making you anxious can be one of the easiest ways way to stop rumination. The goal is to find activities that will keep your mind so busy that it prevents you from thinking about the problem or worry. You can distract yourself with activities that you love or ask a loved one to help distract you.

It’s important to note that distraction can be healthy or unhealthy. If you are distracting yourself short-term and developing other coping mechanisms for ruminating, you are doing great. However, distraction can also be a type of avoidance coping, where you actively try to get away from or avoid a problem/thought, which will only make the ruminating worse.

If you feel ruminating is a daily occurrence and starting to impact your work productivity and relationships, it may be time to reach out to a mental health professional. Ruminating is very common and normal, but more severe rumination can be a sign of generalized anxiety disorder, PTSD, or OCD. If one of these disorders is driving your rumination, talking to a therapist is crucial to feeling better. A therapist can help you not only decrease your ruminating but also help you uncover the root behind what may be leading you to ruminate.

Mental compulsions are often overlooked because they are internal and unseen. They can be sneaky, and often the person with OCD doesn’t even realize that what they’re doing is a compulsion. Yet mental compulsions do what any other compulsion does: they reinforce the idea that an intrusive thought is dangerous, and deceive your brain into believing that it controls the outcome of the thought.

One of the questions I get asked most by people starting obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) treatment is “How do I stop ruminating?” The answer seems straightforward enough: you can make a choice to stop. In reality, learning to stop ruminating can seem like one of the most difficult things a person with OCD could do. It’s one thing to know something must be done and another to do something.