How to Say No When You Find It Difficult

N.O. No. Two simple letters. One simple word.

But why is it sometimes so difficult to say no?

For many people, saying no is packed with guilt. Maybe you’re afraid of disappointing someone. Maybe you’re anxious to turn down your boss. Or maybe you’re a people pleaser.

No matter the reasons, learning how to say no is an important skill for your personal health and well-being. Our time and energy are precious resources that we should use wisely. And that means we can’t do everything.

Why is it so hard to say no?

For some adults, the inability to say no stems from childhood. From an early age, children are taught to be polite and forthcoming. If a parent or teacher asked a child to do something, saying no was interpreted as a form of backtalk. In some cases, refusing an adult meant punishment or negative reinforcement.

However, this can cause issues around communication and self-assertion. Being raised to believe that saying no is bad makes it difficult for children to communicate their preferences. For some people, this inability to speak up for themselves continues into adulthood.

Another reason you may find it difficult to say no is if you doubt yourself. With imposter syndrome, you feel like you are not good enough to do the role that you are in.

Because of these feelings, you avoid saying no to others. You are afraid they will think you are unable to perform your roles and responsibilities. It can also make it hard to say no to yourself. You constantly feel that you have to say yes to prove to yourself that you can actually do your job.

There is also empathy and human nature to consider. We are social creatures that rely on human connection. Because of our need to belong, we are afraid to disappoint others or create conflict.

In a study from the University of Waterloo, people were asked to carry out tasks that went against their ethics. Although they voiced their objections, half the subjects agreed to deface a library book. This was because saying no felt too difficult.

This kind of behavior shows our inherent desire to avoid conflict and keep the peace. But is it possible that our need to be liked can do us more harm than good?

Boundaries demonstrate what you are willing to accept in a relationship and how you expect to be treated. They are important for relationship dynamics and for mental well-being.

If you say yes when you really want to say no, you may end up resenting the person who made the request. While saying no can be difficult, it can protect the health of the relationship in the long run.

If you say yes to things that don't align with your goals or values, you may experience regret in the future. Being able to say no to people means that you'll have more time to devote your energy to the things that really matter to you.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with saying no when necessary. This includes when you simply don't have the energy to do everything you're asked or when you want to prioritize self-care.

People love to.be understood and respected. This is why the manner of approach when saying ‘no’ is important. The approach must be in a polite manner; more importantly, let the person making the request know you would have loved to help but it is not within your power to help at that particular moment, but in a different situation and time you might actually be of help.

Being able to say no to people helps reduce stress levels and gives you time for what’s really important.

Beginning right now, you can change how you respond to requests for your time. When the request comes in, take yourself off autopilot, where you might normally say yes.

Use the request to draw a healthy boundary around your time. Pay particular attention to when you place certain demands on yourself.

Try it now. Say no to a friend who continues to take advantage of your goodwill. Or draw the line with a workaholic colleague and tell them you will complete the project, but not by working all weekend. You’ll start realizing the benefits of saying no and find yourself much happier.